Mars Bar – The Story Unfolds
Mars Bar – Have I finally gone off my rocker and succumbed to being cuckoo for cocoa puffs? Have I absolutely lost my mind to the deep abyss of dementia, hypochondria, and complete and utter hootenanny? I guess the answer to that is debatable. However, if you are reading this post, that means that my little subject header caught your attention, and yes, I am completely serious that there are New York City apartments for ten dollars! Impossible, you say? Well, think again, Debbie Downer!
Here’s the sitch: If you have ever wandered down the beaten paths of the Lower East Side in what I would call Manhattan’s most eclectic neighborhood full of guerilla-style joints that will pull a sneak-attack on you faster than an army of ninjas, then you are fully aware of the LES’s array of watering holes. (Why does it seem like I am always writing about bars and cocktails?) Hidden deep in the recesses of the LES, one may or may not have frequented, Mars Bar.
The Mars Bar is the “diviest” bar I have ever been to in my life, and I am ashamed to even admit that my Oxford-style wingtips graced the floor of this establishment. Let’s just say it wasn’t my choice, and I dipped out as soon as the embarrassment turned into the concoction of the perfect escape plan. All that being said, this dive bar is a historical bar, it’s monumental, it’s blah, blah, blah. What’s more important is that this bar is CLOSING.
Why, oh, why, one might ask? Well, other than being the epitome of a dive bar adorned with sticky floors that would give a glue trap some serious competition, bathroom graffiti prompting you to “Call John,” and more Pabst Blue Ribbon than you can shake a stick at, this bar is being demolished along with its adjoining building to make way for a brand new high-rise. I know. I know. This is New York. Do we really need another high-rise that will undoubtedly offer amenities galore for a pretty hefty price tag? Well, as much as I hate to admit it, in this case, the answer may be yes.
If you’ve looked around Manhattan lately, you are fully aware of the major face-lift that it is undergoing on what seems to be every corner. The Lower East Side is no stranger to the slew of newly constructed buildings of steel and glass. So, what sets apart this new high rise that is to take the place of the historic Mars Bar and the 90 year-old building? Well, the condos, once complete, are offering a deal that is completely unheard of. They are offering the current tenants of the soon-to-be demolished structure a chance, a jackpot, a steal of a find, to buy a brand-spanking new apartment for only TEN DOLLARS! Yes, it is true. Miracles really do happen, and sometimes, they even happen without a jolly old man clad in a red suit and fuzzy hat.
Is it sad that New York’s beautiful buildings are being torn down one by one to make way for new flashy apartment buildings? Yes, I mean don’t get me wrong, I appreciate history, culture, and the preservation of a building to the nth degree, but how can anyone turn down a deal like this? Does it make it right or justify the action? No, but it certainly does help. Let’s face it, ten dollars can hardly buy you a set of forks at Ikea. Now, if only I could find a sweet deal like this for my new abode. Ladies and gents, keep your eyes peeled, your ears open, and maybe, just maybe give that dive bar another chance. You never know what can come of it. Just make sure to wear the “casual” shoes that you won’t mind getting doused with PBR and peanut shells.